Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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