The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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