I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
