he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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