I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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