FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
