Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
