have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
