Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
