who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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