Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
my being single is dangerous.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
