so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
