made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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