i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
