He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
