his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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