On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
