The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
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The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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