Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize