We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
