I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
