the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Did I show you my penis last night?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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