My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
