dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
