'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
