Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
