so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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