I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
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yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
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Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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