What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
