People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
