I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
