Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
