I want to have your abortion
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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