the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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