4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
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You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
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The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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