ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
