my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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