was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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