the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
