we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
