If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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