I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
