Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
