Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
