i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
As shirtless as possible
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
