I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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