Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
