3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
