He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
