yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
