You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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