I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
