you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
