I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
