so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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