There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
