I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
