I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You are a genius and a whore.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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