How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
