I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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