1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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