What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
