Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
babies were throwing up all over the place
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
