So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.