What did we do last night that was yellow?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
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im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
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I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.