"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
vagina is talking i cant
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth