I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...