How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
its liver damage thursday
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