it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
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She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
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After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.