She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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