so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.