Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
smell my finger.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
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She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
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ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.