I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
