it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
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