he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
