As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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