i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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