Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
