What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Randomize
