First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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