i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
