so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
