I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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